There were two persons involved and, hence, there were two sides to the story.
In the bright lights of the fluorescent tubes, Jide and Hakeem starred with puffy eyes at the bemused faces of David and Micheal, then reality struck. Feeling the cool wetness of the clothes on his back and realizing what had happened, Hakeem’s puffy countenance rapidly changed to that of anger. Jide was so shamed that he wished the grounds would open up for him to hide in.
Just a few moments back, he was enjoying the sweet pains of relieve as the urine shot through his urinary tract and into the toilet bowl. He felt something was amiss, but that sweet burning sensation and the strong urge to do it was too powerful for him to resist.
He had known right after he left the examination hall that the result might not leave a sweet taste in his mouth having compared his answers with those of his colleagues immediately he exited the doors.
The foreknowledge of his impending failure did not totally quench the fire of expectation but rather turned him into a prayer-warrior as he hoped that there could still be a miracle and all would end well. But two weeks later as he stood in front of the notice board with the other students staring at his grade, he felt anger and embittered; anger at himself for the self-doubts.
He knew he could have performed better had he not lacked self-confidence. He remembered vividly, he was almost through with his answers when he felt a slight stiffness in the neck. He stretched to relieve the tension, an action he was later to regret because immediately, it was as if the devil was waiting for an opportunity to mess with his mind.
The lady seated to his left was someone he had seen on several occasions but never previously gave a second look or thought to. He had always seen her around the departmental library reading. On the looks scale, he scored her very low, but he reasoned that she cannot be ugly and dull at the same time, the gods cannot be that wicked!
One thing about deeds is, whether good or bad is that there will always be justifications if only you search hard enough. Yes, he must pass by all means! An inner thought was already working in his brain.
She was always reading, so she must be academically better than him.
She will surely get a better grade than him.
He couldn’t bear it anymore. Silently, with the deftness of a professional spy, he adjusted his position to gain a better view of her answer sheet laying exposed on her table while she tackled the questions given to them. He made a perfect copy of her answers by erasing those previously marked on his answer sheet and replacing them with hers. Having satisfied himself, he smiled smugly, stood up and walked to the invigilators’ table where he submitted and walked out of the hall, and then he got a shocker. Outside the hall, he met some of his colleagues and as they compared answers, he felt sorry for himself.
Staring at the notice board for a few minutes more, his anger ebbed and self-realization set in. It could have been worse because he almost failed, and if he did, that would have meant an extra one year; it dawned on him that it was a narrow escape. He broke out in cold sweat and suddenly had a pressing urge to use the toilet. Because the urge was great, he decided to use the office toilet, but as he walked through its doors, he found everywhere unusually spotlessly clean.
Hmm, this toilet is neat! He voiced out loud to no one in particular. He unzipped his trousers and directed his weapon at the toilet bowl, but as he continued releasing a powerful jet of hot fluid into the toilet bowl, he began having this hot burning sweet sensation as if a strong force was trying to stop the smooth flow. Suddenly, he heard his name being called from a distance. The voices kept getting louder with each passing moment. The whole place started swirling in his head and everything paled and disappeared as he found himself on his bed staring into the faces of his bemused roommates.
Hakeem’s side of the story wasn’t much different. He was actually enjoying a cool shower in the bathroom after an abandoned football game.
He loved the game of football and his days were never complete without a visit to the make-shift football pitch few blocks away. It was a way of him relieving stress after the day’s activities.
He loved the game so much even to the point of him always volunteering to fetch the ball from the bushes whenever it goes out of play.
Having the best record of fetching the ball from the bushes was not a great achievement because others avoid the task for a good reason; the surrounding bushes were not called shit-land for no reason.
The situation of the toilets has turned the bushes to permanent toilets as such that the owners of nearby farms had to come and plead that too much of organic manure is not having the desired effects on their crops.
On this particular occasion, he meandered his way through the bushes towards the balls’ last known direction taking extreme care not to step on the many heaps of feces and sticky watery stools of various shapes and colors that littered the bushes.
Now, there are two ways to make use of the bush; either you do it in the bush directly, or indirectly by defecating into a nylon bag and fling it into the bushes. The problem with the former style is that while you are it, you may have a bag of shit mistakenly splattered at you by a fellow patron who had used the latter method. In most cases, the bags end up hanging on the tree branches.
It’s sometimes not in one’s best interest to be over-conscious because, in his effort to avoid stepping on the feces, he forgot those in the nylon bags hanging at head-level on branches of the bushes; he did a good job of hitting one of the bags with his head just as if he was trying to score a goal with his head at the opponent’s goal-mouth.
With his head reeking of the offensive odor, he abandoned the game and rushed from the bushes towards the bathroom and luckily for him, the taps were on.
A quick shower would have done the trick, but as the cool waters hit his backside, he could hear voices faintly calling his name from afar and everywhere began to shake and swirl violently.
David and Michael were sitting on the opposite bed having a chat when they heard Jide exclaimed in his sleep ‘hmm, this toilet is neat!’ They watched in amazement as the showers started flowing through Jide’s thin mattress on the upper bunk bed and unto the back of Hakeem who was sleeping directly below on the lower bed, adding a comical effect was the smug smiles of contentment on both faces as if they were really enjoying whatever act they were carrying out in their sleep.
It was a sight meant for the pictures, but after observing for a few seconds, they quickly dashed over and shook them awake.
Hakeem’s anger slowly ebbed as he saw the funny side of it. It is not every day you find yourself soaked in another person’s urine, and besides, it could have been worse. In his dream, he was extremely thirsty and badly needed a drink of water, but the strong odor from the feces on his head made it mandatory he takes a shower first before a drink, otherwise, he might have been drinking water from an unknown tap.